So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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