I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
