I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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