I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
