one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
