yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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