I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
