I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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