For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Holy shit dude........stairs
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
