Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
