i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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