I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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