I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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