I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
