haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
