OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
