if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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