cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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