did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
