My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
