I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
