well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
