Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
everyone is single if you try hard enough
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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