Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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