you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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