you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
