Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
