Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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