When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize