I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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