The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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