i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
