How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm too high and old for this...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize