No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
