How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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