imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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