Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
