It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
