k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
