Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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