turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
