We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
