if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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