Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
