Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
