JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize