Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
