Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
