We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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