can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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