if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I deserve this hangover.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
