Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
