well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
