If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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