holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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