then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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