Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize