So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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