This girl is more easily done than said...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
