My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
