My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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