i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
