I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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