No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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