With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
