I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we're so committed to being not committed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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