I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
