Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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