"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
