I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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