U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She bit a glass in half.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
