alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
